Bobby's Biggest Mistake
by emebalia
Summary: A slightly different start into season 6. Dark, warnings inside


**Warnings: **suicide (off-screen), thoughts of suicide, major character death

* * *

**Bobby's Biggest Mistake**

Bobby checked the caller ID and then hurried to answer the phone. He hadn't seen this number in a while.

"Dean?"

"Is this Bobby Singer?" A woman's voice answered. She sounded shaken.

Bobby sat up straighter. This wasn't good.

"Yes, I'm Bobby." He answered and tried to remember the name of the woman Dean was living with now. Linda? Lisa? Lisa, that was her name. "What happened?"

"Dean, he …" She broke up, close to tears.

"Lisa." Bobby tried to stay calm but his mind was racing by now. "Just tell me what happened."

"It's Dean, he … drove off last night." She swallowed hard, clearly fighting against the tears. "The police found him this morning."

Bobby didn't know how to breathe anymore. He just sat there, phone in his numb hand, and waited for her to continue.

"He … had a bottle of whiskey and a picture of himself and his brother." She said, stumbling over every word. "And a gun."

Bobby didn't need her to continue. He'd seen blood and brain matter splattered too often in his life, he'd no trouble picturing the inside of the Impala.

The world stopped.

"I thought he was over that." Lisa continued. "He got better."

Bobby didn't really listen. Dean was dead.

"I know the only reason he didn't do it right then ..." She paused again and Bobby was just aware enough to fill in the blank with "when Sam jumped in the cage". Not that he knew if she knew about that little detail. He had no idea what Dean had told her about his past. And now he never would. Because Dean was dead. Because he shot himself.

"He promised Sam, that he would try and he did, he did try and he got better." The last words were almost lost in sobs. "Why now? He got quiet the last few days but I thought … I don't know what I thought. I should have … I should ha…"

"There's nothing you could have done." Bobby managed to bring the words out but he wasn't sure if she even heard him. She was crying now.

"You couldn't have done a thing." He repeated. This wasn't her fault. It was his. He could have done something. He should have done something. One phone call. One call, two words. _Sam's alive. _Everything would have been fine. Dean would be alive right now.

But Sam didn't want his brother to know.

_It's better for him if he doesn't know._

_He's happy now._

_He got out._

_Don't tell him, Bobby._

Bobby had listened to Sam. Hadn't told Dean that his brother was alive.

Now he'd no idea how he could ever think that it was better for Dean if he didn't know that Sam wasn't rotting in Hell. That Dean could live the happy apple pie life while he thought Sam was suffering.

"Yeah, maybe." She didn't sound convinced but she had herself under control again. "The … the funeral is Thursday. Are you going to come? Dean would want that."

Bobby wasn't so sure about that anymore. Not after what he'd done. Or rather hadn't done. But he coaxed out a hoarse "yes" before he ended the call.

For long minutes he just sat there and stared into nothingness. He needed a drink but he was too numb to get up and find a bottle. Dark thoughts crept into his mind, thoughts he hadn't had for a long time. Not since he got out of that damn chair. He still had the gun in the drawer.

It was his fault that Dean had felt so desperate, so utterly hopeless that he had seen no other way. It was his fault that Dean had pulled the trigger. And for what? It was so pointless. Sam was alive and breathing.

"I should have told him." Bobby whispered into the emptiness of his house. "Why didn't I tell him?"

When he reached out, he wasn't sure if he was going for the gun or the phone. He chose the phone.

He had to tell Sam, that was the least he could do.

Sam answered after the third ring.

"Hey, Bobby." Sam greeted him before Bobby could say a word. He sounded normal. He didn't know yet.

Bobby didn't know what to say. How could he tell Sam that Dean was dead? He hadn't even comprehended it himself.

When he failed to speak, Sam filled the silence.

"If you're calling because of my birthday, that was yesterday."


End file.
